We talk to women about the big goals they have for themselves: the life they want to lead, the career they want, the friendships they want to build and the way they want dating and relationships to feel.

And often, when we really drill down there are these beliefs they have about themselves - “I'm not attractive enough" or “there aren't that many growth opportunities in my industry so it’s going to be hard to get promoted" or “I’m bad at making plans” - all of which are having an obvious effect on how they show up in their lives. They’re talking themselves out of opportunities before they even try because they’ve convinced themselves they aren’t good enough, smart enough, or attractive enough.

If we believe that things are hard for us, we want to do them less.

They also feel harder for us (this is basically the placebo effect in action - your beliefs about the experience effect your actual physiological experience). After years of working with capable (but prone to anxiety and spiraling) eldest daughters: sometimes the most radical act of self-love is choosing to be a little delusional about yourself. And before you roll your eyes and click away, hear us out. We're not talking about toxic positivity or pretending your problems don't exist. We're talking about something much more nuanced and, honestly, much more powerful.

Which is why today we're diving into why embracing a healthy dose of delusion about yourself might be exactly what you need to break free from the limiting beliefs that have been holding you back.

How to be delusional to build more self-confidence

Let's start by getting clear on what we mean when we say "be delusional." We're not suggesting you lose touch with reality or develop an inflated ego. Instead, we're talking about consciously choosing to believe empowering things about yourself before you have concrete proof that they're true.

Think about it this way: your brain is already creating stories about who you are and what you're capable of. The question is, are those stories serving you or sabotaging you? Most of us have spent years collecting evidence for why we're not enough, why things are hard for us, why we can't have what we want. But what if we flipped the script?

Why your brain resists positive change

Our brains don't like change. It’s built into our biology from way back in the caveman days but the spark notes is that our physiological instincts are always going to be to conserve energy, in case a bigger fight comes around the corner. Especially when we’re nervous or on edge, we are biologically disposed to lean toward the safe option, which often means keeping us stuck in familiar patterns, even when those patterns aren't serving us.

When you try to adopt a new, more empowering belief about yourself, your brain is going to push back hard.

You know that voice. The one that says, "You're lying to yourself," or "You're pretending to be something that you're not." The snarky inner critic that shows up every time you try to step outside your comfort zone or see yourself in a new light?

But here's what we want you to understand: your brain is going to be snarky anyway, whether you stay with your current beliefs about yourself or try to insert new ones. So why not start working on the new ones? You know your inner voice is going to act up regardless.

Think about it like putting on a Halloween costume. You know in the moment that you're not actually a sexy devil or a powerful superhero. But as you put on the outfit, you give yourself permission to look and act like that character for the night. You don't need to fully, deeply, empirically believe that you're a sexy devil in order to let the persona affect your behavior and experience. Putting on a costume feels easier because there are external markers, and this one day a year, we all give each other permission to act differently without anybody judging us for it.

But we have that permission all along to start acting differently or feeling differently about ourselves, just by choosing to do so.

The power of “acting as if”

When we decide to “be delusional”, we start to experience the world as we want it to be rather than what it is and we offer ourselves a new experience before the proof is there. How would it feel if making money were easy? How would it feel if people constantly saw you as attractive? How would it feel if you loved your body? How would it feel if life was more fun?

This mindset shift is often called “acting as if”: making a conscious choice to act “as if” you already believed the new thought about yourself.

What if you put on the costume of someone who loves their body and realize that actually it feels really good. That when you love your body, your clothes don't feel like enemies anymore. And when you are someone who loves your body, you look at other bodies with admiration instead of jealousy and that feels way more supportive. And because you like these feeling, you might start to figure out the ways to bring it into your reality more often. And then the funny thing is, the proof will start to appear.

Skeptical? Bear with me.

Breaking the evidence trap

One of the biggest obstacles we see women face is waiting for external proof before they'll allow themselves to believe something positive about themselves. "But in my past experience, it hasn't been that way," they say when we suggest adopting a more empowering belief.

And we get it. But if we wait for there to be external proof of every belief we want to have, we'll be waiting a long time. There was no external proof that you had gotten into college before you got in. There was no external proof that you were going to get that first promotion before you got it. There might have been indicators that you were doing a good job, sure, but our brains are always selectively filtering and interpreting everything in our world, and in subtle ways, we can taint every piece of data without realizing it.

You can probably think about a time when you received a compliment that made you feel so damn good. Grin ear to ear. And another time when you got a compliment and immediately brushed it off. "You look really pretty today." "Thank you, but really, I look exhausted." Just seeing or hearing external proof does not make our experience of something true. Whether or not you interpret the external data as relevant depends on which belief you're collecting data for.

If you want to believe that your physical appearance is attractive to the type of person you want to date, you need to recognize that if that hasn't been your belief up to this point, your brain has so much practice collecting data that you're not attractive enough. It might have been taking data that meant nothing and interpreting it to mean something about that story - like a time where a date has to reschedule and you just jump to the assumption that it has something to do with your appearance.

When you start to try to change your beliefs, you’re really changing the way your brain interprets the world, not necessarily the facts of the world itself. For example, there might be plenty of people who would have loved to hire a woman pivoting from operations to marketing, but if her old boss had told her that she’s not ready for more responsibility so she never put herself out there to network, she might feel like she has evidence that she’s not ready. But her lack of action was preventing her from being in the situations to disprove the belief. The belief stunts the action which creates evidence that confirms our belief. To get new evidence, we have to act differently first.

This is where the delusion comes in handy. Instead of waiting for the world to convince you that you're worthy, attractive, capable, or lovable, you decide to believe it first. You act as if it's already true and watch how that shifts your experience.

Practical ways to embrace healthy delusion

So how do you actually put this into practice? Here are some strategies:

Start with small experiments. Pick one area where you'd like to feel differently about yourself. Maybe it's your attractiveness, your intelligence, your worthiness of love, or your ability to succeed. For one week, act as if the empowering belief is already true. Notice how it feels in your body, how it affects your interactions, how it changes your behavior.

Use affirmations strategically. We know, we know. Affirmations can feel cheesy. But they work when you use them as practice for a new way of thinking rather than trying to convince yourself of something you don't believe. Try phrases like "I'm experimenting with believing I'm attractive" or "I'm practicing thinking that I'm worthy of love."

Dress the part. Just like putting on a Halloween costume, sometimes external changes can help you step into a new version of yourself. If you want to feel more confident, dress like someone who feels confident. If you want to feel more attractive, wear something that makes you feel good in your body.

Surround yourself with evidence. Start actively looking for proof that supports your new belief. If you're working on believing you're attractive, notice when people smile at you, compliment you, or seem drawn to your energy. If you're working on believing you're capable, celebrate small wins and acknowledge your accomplishments.

Practice the feeling. Close your eyes and imagine what it would feel like to fully embody the belief you're working on. How would you walk? How would you talk? How would you show up in relationships? How would you approach challenges? Practice that feeling in your body.

Frequently asked questions

Isn't this just “fake it ‘till you make it”?

Not exactly. "Fake it till you make it" implies that you're being inauthentic or pretending to be something you're not. What we're talking about is more like "practice it till you become it." You're not faking confidence; you're practicing what confidence feels like in your body and mind until it becomes more natural.

What if people think I'm being arrogant or delusional?

First, most people are too busy worrying about themselves to spend much time analyzing your confidence level. Second, there's a big difference between healthy self-regard and arrogance. Arrogance comes from insecurity and the need to put others down to feel good about yourself. What we're talking about is quiet confidence that doesn't need external validation.

How do I know if I'm being delusional in a healthy way or an unhealthy way?

Healthy delusion empowers you to take positive action and treat yourself and others with more kindness. Unhealthy delusion prevents you from seeing areas where you genuinely need to grow or causes you to treat others poorly. If your new beliefs are making you more compassionate, more willing to try new things, and more resilient in the face of setbacks, you're on the right track.

What if I try this and nothing changes?

Change takes time, especially when you're rewiring deeply held beliefs about yourself. Be patient with the process and remember that even small shifts in how you think about yourself can have ripple effects throughout your life. Also, consider that the change might be more subtle than you expect. You might not suddenly feel like a completely different person, but you might notice that you're a little braver, a little kinder to yourself, or a little more willing to take risks.

How long should I try this before I know if it's working?

Give yourself at least 30 days of consistent practice. It takes time to create new neural pathways and for new ways of thinking to feel natural. Some people notice shifts within a few days, while others need several weeks or months. The key is consistency and patience with yourself.

The truth is, you're already choosing what to believe about yourself every day. You're already interpreting the world through the lens of your existing beliefs. The only difference is that now you're doing it consciously and in a way that serves your highest good.

Being delusional about yourself isn't about losing touch with reality. It's about refusing to let your past define your future. It's about giving yourself permission to believe in your own potential before the world gives you proof that you should. It's about recognizing that confidence isn't something you earn through external achievements; it's something you cultivate from the inside out.

So go ahead. Be a little delusional about yourself. Believe that you're attractive, capable, worthy of love, and destined for good things. Act as if it's already true and watch how your world begins to shift to match your new story. Because here's what we know for sure: if you're going to tell yourself a story about who you are anyway, it might as well be a good one!

Why being delusional might be the confidence boost you need