Journal prompts for when you’re unsure about a relationship
We don’t talk enough about how normal it is to feel unsure in a relationship. Even in the ones that look great on paper. Even in the ones that used to feel really solid. Even in the ones where you genuinely care about the other person.
Feeling unsure doesn’t make you dramatic. Or disloyal. Or cold. It makes you human. And that little pit in your stomach or that voice in the back of your head that keeps whispering “something feels off”? That’s not weakness. That’s your nervous system trying to get your attention.
Sometimes that feeling is about your partner. Sometimes it’s about you. Sometimes it’s a combination of the two or the way you relate to each other. But whatever it is, it deserves your attention. You don’t have to rush to a decision, but you do have to get honest.
When your head is spinning with “what ifs,” journaling is one of the most effective ways to slow down and untangle your thoughts. These journal prompts are here to help you find clarity, reconnect with your own inner voice, and figure out what you really want next.
When you’re questioning your relationship
It can be incredibly lonely to realize that a relationship you’re in, or that you thought was solid, is now stressing you out. Especially if there hasn’t been some big, dramatic rupture. If it’s just… a slow building of tension or a gut feeling that you can’t explain, it’s easy to gaslight yourself into staying quiet.
And when you do talk about it? People love to project. One friend might say “relationships are work!” and encourage you to tough it out. Another might tell you to leave at the first sign of doubt. If your partner knows you're struggling, they might become defensive or hurt. And if they don’t know, you might carry guilt that you’re even thinking this way in the first place.
If you’ve been spiraling in your head about this, take this post as permission to pause and check in with yourself. No audience, no consequences, just space to be honest.
How to know if a relationship is right
My friend, I have been in your shoes. I went through a serious, months long period of doubt in my relationship and I can happily say that I made it to the other side with more certainty that I’m in the right relationship. So it’s possible!
There are also plenty of stories of when the gut feeling really didn’t go away because something deep down was wrong. Before I dive into actual journal prompts, I want to make sure you understand a few key things:
There is no such thing as an objectively “right” relationship
Somebody can be kind, smart, and attractive but also not be right for you. A relationship is such a profound chemistry of values, physical attraction, communication style, lifestyle and so much more. Considering the possibility that this relationship may not be right for you doesn’t mean that your partner isn’t good enough or worthy of being in a relationship and the same goes for you.
This also means that there’s nobody outside of you that can answer this question. Sorry! Your parents can love them, your friends can hate them, but the only thing that matters is if you want to continue investing in this person.
There is not going to be a moment where you’re just “sure”
If you’re searching for a lightbulb moment, I gotta be honest that you’re probably not going to find it. Even when I got enough clarity that I wanted to continue to invest in the relationship, I wasn’t without doubts or concerns. I still had to decide I’m willing to take this risk.
The goal of doing this type of journaling shouldn’t be to come to some objective official answer - just to figure out what is right for you right now.
Relationships cannot be solved by just one person
If there is something that is coming up with your relationship, it is unlikely that you will be able to solve it all on your own. Even if you are overthinking (which you may or may not be), you can’t think your way out of overthinking. Remember that your own clarity is important and can help you figure out the root of these things you’re feeling but you will likely need to have a conversation and work through things with your partner.
That is where the next stage of this process starts. Once you are clear on what might be causing your doubts or concerns, then you have to figure out 1. Does your partner agree that this is an issue? 2. If they do, are they willing to work with you to solve it? Or if they don’t agree, do they understand why it matters to you enough to be willing to make changes to solve it? and 3. How are you going to work through that?
Sometimes you can be abundantly clear what it would take to make the relationship work but the other person isn’t willing to be a partner in making that happen. That’s on them, not you. But we have to go in clear eyed that just identifying the source of your anxiety won’t make it go away if nothing changes.
But we’re not there yet. Today, we’re focused on getting you more clarity so you have the information you need to figure out if you want to move forward and what you might want to draw your attention to. Let’s dive in!
Journal prompts to figure out the source of relationship anxiety
There’s a difference between a passing doubt and a recurring one. These prompts are here to help you figure out if what you're feeling is a blip caused by stress or fear — or if it's your intuition trying to tell you something real.
Before you write, take a few deep breaths. Try not to overanalyze as you go. Just let your answers spill out honestly, without judging them.
Use these prompts to identify where the uncertainty is coming from:
What specifically is making me feel uncertain in this relationship right now?
Are these feelings new, or have they been building up for a while?
Do I feel safe and respected in this relationship, even when things are hard?
What (if anything) has changed in the dynamic between us recently — and how do I feel about those changes?
What am I afraid might happen if I bring this doubt up with my partner?
When I picture the future, do I see this relationship in it — and does that feel good or heavy?
Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is name the actual problem. Because if you can name it, you can start to deal with it — whether that’s a communication gap, misaligned values, unmet emotional needs, or something deeper.
In my situation, the doubts and anxiety grew over time. Being able to identify patterns of how things came up over and over again helped me accept that these were bigger things that needed to be addressed. Picturing the future just amplified my awareness of things that were coming up in the present which made it clearer to me that they needed to be addressed.
Journal prompts for checking in with your needs and boundaries
(Because being unsure is often a sign you’re not getting something you need)
When you start to feel disconnected in a relationship, it’s worth asking whether you’ve also been disconnected from yourself. It’s common to shift into people-pleasing or avoidant patterns when you don’t want to rock the boat — especially if you care about the other person or are scared of being “too much.”
These prompts are about reconnecting with what you need to feel fulfilled and grounded in a relationship. And whether those needs are being met.
Use these to identify how you’ve been showing up here:
What do I need most in a relationship to feel supported and connected?
Am I putting in my own efforts to meet my own needs? Do I have a support system outside of this relationship to keep me from putting too much pressure on one person?
Am I getting my physical needs met in this relationship? My emotional needs? If not, what have I most been compromising on and how has that affected me?
Have I been clear with my partner about what I need — or have I been hoping they’ll just know?
Have I compromised my boundaries or values to keep this relationship going? (Important note: remember a boundary isn’t something you expect the other person to do - it’s a clear standard of what you will do if behaviors occur. For example, a partner not cheating isn’t a boundary. “If a partner cheats, I will leave the relationship” is a boundary.)
Are there parts of myself I feel I have to hide or shrink to stay in this relationship?
No relationship is perfect. But a healthy relationship will make space for your voice, your needs, your identity — not ask you to make yourself smaller to stay.
My relationship was generally very good when I was struggling with anxiety so it was helpful for me to identify all the ways I was getting my needs met. By identifying what was going right, I could zero in on the specific areas that needed more attention so as not to throw the baby out with the bath water.
Journal prompts to process fear, guilt, and pressure
(Sorting out what’s real vs. what’s keeping you stuck)
Let’s be reall walking away from something familiar is scary, even if it’s not working. And questioning something you’ve invested in (time, energy, love, shared memories) can bring up a ton of emotions that aren’t actually about the relationship itself.
These prompts are here to help you work through the noise of fear, guilt, pressure, or people-pleasing so you can figure out what you really want, not just what feels safest in the short term.
Try these if you’ve been staying out of fear or obligation:
What am I afraid would happen if I ended this relationship?
What part of staying feels like it’s coming from fear instead of love?
Am I afraid of being alone or am I afraid of losing this person?
Is guilt or obligation keeping me in this relationship?
What role does comfort or routine play in my decision to stay?
Do I feel responsible for my partner’s happiness or emotional wellbeing?
One of the biggest things that can trip us up in moments of doubt is the fear of hurting someone we care about. That’s valid. But protecting someone else's feelings shouldn’t come at the cost of your own peace or truth.
I was wracked with fear and guilt about potentially hurting my boyfriend. I also consciously knew that being scared not to find someone else was not a reason to stay. Sometimes identifying some of these fears can help clarify how ready (or maybe not ready) you are to make this change, or at minimum help you gain some clarity about ways you may need to support yourself to make a hard choice.
Journal prompts for tuning into your inner voice
(Because deep down, you usually do know)
When you’re caught in a loop of overthinking, it’s easy to start outsourcing your decisions. You ask your friends, read Reddit threads, scroll through TikTok advice and suddenly your brain is full of other people’s voices, but you’ve totally lost touch with your own.
These questions are here to help you drop back into yourself. To put aside the noise and pressure and advice and hear what you already know, underneath it all.
Use these to come home to your own truth:
If I were being completely honest with myself, what would I say about this relationship?
What does my gut say when I imagine letting go of this relationship?
What does my gut say when I imagine fighting for this relationship?
What advice would I give my best friend if she were in this exact situation?
If nothing changed in this relationship, would I still want to be here in six months?
What would I do if I trusted myself completely?
Here’s the thing: you don’t have to decide everything right now. But you do deserve to be honest with yourself. Especially if it’s uncomfortable.
Some next steps (if you’re ready)
Journaling can bring up a lot. If you’ve gone through these prompts and you’re still unsure, that’s okay. You might need time, or space, or a real conversation. But you’ve already taken a huge step by looking inward instead of avoiding your discomfort.
Here are a few gentle next steps, depending on where you’re at:
If you gained clarity: Start planning for how you’ll communicate what you’re feeling — whether that’s with your partner, a therapist, or a trusted friend.
If you’re still confused: Revisit these prompts over a few days. Sometimes the answers shift with a little space.
If you feel overwhelmed: That’s valid. Let this be part of a process. Sometimes when messy stuff comes up, we need to let the dust settle and start untying some of the new realizations you had.. You don’t need to “solve” everything in one journaling session.
If the relationship is safe but stagnant: Maybe it’s time for a deeper conversation about what’s working and what isn’t, not every relationship crossroads means it’s time to walk away.
If the relationship is unsafe or deeply misaligned: Please give yourself permission to prioritize your peace. You’re allowed to leave even if the other person is kind, loving, or means well.
“Am I overthinking my relationship?”
I asked myself this question a million times. What if I’ve made this issue up? What if my thoughts are the problem and not actually the relationship?
The one message I would give to you my dear is that you know more in your gut than your mind can ever solve. If these thoughts continue to recur over and over again… If you look in the eyes of the person you maybe love and feel a little pit in your stomach because something is off… If you leave them and feel a rush of emotion because you don’t need to hold your thoughts or emotions in anymore… These are things you have to pay attention to.
I convinced myself I was making stuff up and that my anxiety was ruining the relationship. It took months for me to finally admit that it wasn’t. We had tried to work through these things multiple times and they kept coming up.
But when I was brave enough to act on what I was feeling (which involved starting a breakup conversation), I was met with more constructive thinking and action than I’d ever seen.
I had to be brave enough to do what was right for me, even if I was scared, knew I’d hurt him and didn’t know what would happen next. And in this situation, I was met with somebody who was willing to step and do their part to address what had been happening. I won’t pretend that that will be the situation for everybody but it’s possible.
The key is that you don’t owe anyone a relationship. You don’t need anybody to give you permission to stay or to leave. You only need to do what sets you up best to have the life that you want.
Sometimes you’re not ready to make a decision yet, that’s okay. It took me months. Come back to these prompts as many times as you need. Write. Reflect. Reread. Let yourself feel. You are the expert on your own life and at some point, you’ll figure out what to do next.
You got this.
