5 mistakes you might be making in how you set goals
I love a system. I have spent more hours than I can count customizing my Notion dashboard (if you’re curious about this, shoot me a DM on Insta lol). I have tried almost all the to do list apps, tested vision boarding methods and have been setting goals for years. I used to think that the reason I wasn’t achieving my goals is because I hadn’t quite figured out my system yet.
I was dreaming of a reality where if I just got the app set up correctly, I’d magically exercise five times a week, post my content and show up for all my friends. I was fixated on the tools and the methods of working toward goals and missing the larger point.
After years of experimenting with every goal-setting method under the sun, I've realized this: most of us don't need a better planner. We need to understand our own psychology and the ways our current approach might be quietly sabotaging us.
If you've ever felt frustrated that your goals aren't sticking (or that you're spinning your wheels trying to "stay motivated"), this one's for you. Let's break down the five most common mistakes people make when setting goals—and how to fix them for good.
1. Why focusing only on the outcome leads to burnout
When most people set goals, they go straight for the big shiny dream: run a marathon, get a promotion, launch the business. And while there's nothing wrong with having big dreams, if you aren’t 100% clear on what it takes to get there, it can get overwhelming.
Even if you have a sense, but aren’t entirely sure, I find that most of us hugely undersestimate the amount of time and effort it takes to achieve these goals. As a result, however we go after them, we end up losing steam when we aren’t “there yet.”
The other problem with outcome-only goals have a major flaw: they don’t incentivize you onhow to get there, only the final destination.
This is where input-based goals come in. Instead of saying "write a book," try "write for 30 minutes three times a week." Instead of "get stronger," try "lift weights twice a week." Inputs are things you can control. They're the daily or weekly behaviors that, over time, actually lead to the outcomes you want.
Focusing on inputs also helps reduce overwhelm. When you're only measuring success by the end result, anything short of that can feel like failure. But if your goal is to show up consistently, every session is a win.
This is something I revisit often during my BFF Board Meetings (a simple system I use with two friends to track and support each other on our goals). We challenge each other: "What if we switched that goal to track the habits rather than the outcome?" That question alone has saved me from giving up more times than I can count.
2. How to measure progress in a way that keeps you going
Another common mistake? Setting goals that are impossible to track. We say things like "be more consistent," "get better at public speaking," or "feel less stressed." And while those intentions are great, they're way too vague to give your brain a sense of progress.
If you want to stay motivated, you need a clear way to know whether you're moving forward. That might mean tracking:
Time invested: Like logging the number of hours spent on a project.
Frequency: Like checking off how many days you went on a walk.
Milestones: Like finishing chapter two of your book or submitting a job application.
Personally, I’ve found time tracking to be a game changer. I used to get discouraged when I didn’t have anything “finished” to show for my work. But when I switched my metric to "hours of focused writing," I started seeing all the invisible progress I was making.
During one of our BFF Board Meetings, one of my friends was trying to figure out how to make progress on healing her relationship with her mother. Yeah, that was a big one. There aren’t real increments for that so we asked her to brainstorm “what are some ways you’d have a sense it’s working?” We came up with things like more regular phone calls and making sure they did at least one activity together where she intentionally didn’t bring up issues, giving them an opportunity to form new positive memories. These increments helped her feel like, even if they still had a while to go, she could see her incremental progress along the way.
3. Why chasing goals that look good on paper doesn’t work
Sometimes, we set goals because they sound impressive or because they match what we see other people doing. But if your goal doesn’t actually matter to you, it’s not going to be sustainable.
I find myself most prone to this when I vision board, where I point out wanting an updated closet or a place with more living space. It’s easy to attach to physical things that we see other people have. But when I dig deeper, whether solo or with my besties, there’s often something deeper underneath.
Ask yourself:
Do I genuinely want this, or do I feel like I should want it?
Who am I trying to impress?
What feeling am I chasing with this goal? Whats’s the real desire underneath?
In past discussions, I’ve been pulled toward upgrading my wardrobe, even though I’m the type of girl who just doesn’t love clothes shopping that much. With some investigation, my deeper desire was to be more “polished.”
When we discussed what that meant to me, it was more about how I presented myself daily, taking a little extra time to accessorize or actually do my hair and new clothes weren’t actually necessary to achieve the feeling. I can guess if I’d chased the updated wardrobe, I probably would have gotten to the end and felt unsatisfied.
Your goals should feel aligned with your values and feelings, not just how it looks. When they do, the work becomes more fulfilling. And you're way more likely to follow through.
4. The problem with setting too many goals at once
I get it. You want to get in shape, save money for a down payment, be a better friend, go to therapy, cook all of Wishbone Kitchen’s new cookbook, plan that solo trip to Portugal, and also maybe fix your sleep schedule?
The temptation to change everything at once is real, especially at the start of a new year or season. As overachievers, we tend to see ourselves as more capable than most. Like we intellectually get why they tell other people to only focus on one thing at a time. But we’re not like other people, right?
I’ve fallen prey to this more times than I can count. It turns out that psychology around focus is very real. Not only do our brains struggle to hold multiple things at the same time but if you’re working toward multiple goals at once, even if you are making progress, your progress will naturally be slower towards each. While achieving two goals faster sounds great, you don’t see the fact that this approach means you get less of the dopamine hits from your progress along the way because both goals are moving slower.
What I’ve had to learn is that if I laser focus on one goal at a time, I am actually more likely to get both goals completed, but I’m able to do that by each one having my full focus for a period of time.
I think about it like seasons. Pick one area of life to focus on at a time. Maybe this is your health season. Maybe it’s your career growth season. That doesn’t mean you abandon everything else, but you allow one priority to take center stage. You build momentum. And once you’re steady there, you can add more. You can be making a little progress on others in the background but be clear on what’s the main event.
In our BFF Board Meetings, we have a rule: you can leave board meeting with a handful of goals but we always pick one that is our “accountability” goal. The one that your friends will be holding you accountable on and the one that we’re all clear is the most important. That way when it comes down to a random Tuesday and you’re deciding between incremental time toward the accountability goal and anything else on your to do list, you know where the answer lies.
5. How accountability can make or break your momentum
Here's the quiet truth no one tells you: most people don’t fail to reach their goals because they lack discipline. They fail because they don’t have structure or accountability.
You set a goal. You write it down. Maybe even tell yourself, “This time I mean it.” Then... life happens. You get busy. You forget. Or you hit one rough week and never quite get back on track.
This isn’t something wrong with you or you being lazy. This is straight up psychology. Our bodies aren’t wired to enjoy change. They will come up with any reason possible to talk you out of doing the hard thing and staying exactly how you are.
In my experience, if we want real change, we will either have to make staying the same so painful or make the reward feel so much better to help jumpstart the system. For me, that’s in the form of rewards and accountability.
I’m an eldest daughter - I can’t let people down! So if I make a promise to friends that I know will actually call me on it, I have to show up! That’s the power of the accountability system of board meetings but you can do it without the structure as well. It doesn’t have to be fancy. But it needs to exist outside your brain.
The bigger the goal, the more likely your brain needs more rewards in between. That can be as simple as a white board where you get to check off progress as you go or something bigger like small rewards at intermediate stages. When I was chasing 50 workout classes in 2025, I allowed myself to buy a reasonably priced workout set at each 10 class mark to keep myself going on a goal that took close to 6 months to complete.
We don’t need more discipline. We need more support systems that remind us what we actually care about.
How to work on yourself and actually succeed
If your goals haven’t been sticking, it’s not because you’re lazy or unmotivated. You might just be:
Focusing on outcomes instead of inputs
Measuring success in a way that doesn’t reflect your effort
Trying to do too much at once
Chasing someone else’s version of success
Operating without a system of accountability
When you can build a support system of someone else paying attention, incentives or just straight up picking better goals, there so much more momentum for you to achieve what you want.
Start small. Pick one meaningful goal. Break it into inputs. Track it in a way that feels encouraging. And ask a friend to check in with you about it.
You don’t have to do it all alone. In fact, you’ll probably go a lot farther if you don’t.
