The mindset trick I come back to whenever I’m triggered
If you’ve ever felt totally thrown off by something someone said or did and it literally would not leave you alone, then girl, is this one for you. There is nothing like the frustration that comes from being upset about something, far more and far longer than you logically know makes sense. It just keeps bugging you. Being triggered is something that everyone experiences. But here’s the secret: those triggers can actually be your biggest clues for self-discovery. This is something I’ve learned through lots of life experience in my twenties and early thirties and as an internet big sister, I have to share with you the way I’ve learned to turn these triggers into something helpful and constructive. I want to share with you the mindset trick I come back to every time I’m triggered which has helped me turn what feels like emotional chaos into moments of insight and growth.
Let’s start by unpacking what it means to be triggered and why learning to get curious about what’s happening inside you when it happens can totally change the game…
“Why am I getting triggered?” and what do I do about it?
First off, getting triggered is 100% normal. Something triggers us when the situation we’re experiencing hits on a deeper fear, wound or pattern in our life that signals a threat to our system. “How does it know that it’s a threat?” you ask? Well, the reality is that it may or may not actually be a threatening situation but your body is always trying to keep you safe. Triggers happen when something looks similar to a situation that hurt you in the past. Whether or not, this situation actually has the potential to hurt you, your body is so focused on survival that it sends up an emotional alarm, just in case. These reactions are usually louder than your usual emotions because they’re tapping into something deeper than the moment itself.
When we get triggered, it’s like we’re bumping into a bigger pattern or belief we hold about ourselves or the world. Maybe it’s an old fear or an insecurity that hasn’t been fully faced. The key thing to know that being triggered isn’t a bad thing or a sign that you aren’t ready to have what you want. It can actually be a good thing.
I know, I know, it can feel hard to imagine feeling triggered as a good thing. But if we take a step back from how it feels in the moment, let me pose this to you another way… What if I told you that your body was trying to send you secret messages on how to achieve every big dream you’re chasing - the career, the income, the lifestyle or the relationship? And these messages are pointing directly at the patterns that are keeping you from achieving those dreams, whether how and why you’re playing small, the areas of your self-worth being held back by past trauma or the habits that aren’t aligned with the life you say you want?
That’s what triggers are doing. They are like big flashing arrows: “This is an area that needs attention if you want to get what you want.”
It’s often hard for us to see them that way because they feel so intense and often painful in the moment. But this framing changed everything for me because in the moments that I was triggered, I finally had something productive I could focus on to make all the emotional intensity serve a purpose. So instead of pushing those feelings away or beating yourself up for having them, try using your triggers as valuable information. It’s like your inner voice is saying, “Hey, pay attention. There’s something here we need to understand.”
So how can we sort through all the emotional drama that comes up when we’re triggered and actually figure out what we’re meant to be focused on? Let me tell you a little more about the mindset trick that I rely on when I’m triggered.
What it means that “the world reflects what we believe about ourselves”
You might have heard the phrase “the world reflects what we believe about ourselves.” You might have even heard it from me! I know that this phrase can sound kind of magical or even confusing. Does that mean we’re controlling everything around us just by thinking about it? Not exactly.
What it really means is that your mind filters everything you see and and how you experience the world. Your beliefs, your past experiences, and your feelings create a set of rules that your brain uses to decide what you can ignore, what needs attention, and what is a DEF-CON 5 level “MUST FOCUS ON FIRST” situation.
Imagine you’re wearing glasses with a certain tint. Everything you look at has that color cast. It’s not that the world itself is changing, it’s how it looks to you. How we think about ourselves isn’t literally changing outcomes in the world, but these thoughts are giving your brain directions on how to filter the world. As a result, we are more likely to notice information or situations that confirm our existing beliefs (this is called confirmation bias) but because our brain’s primary job is to keep us alive, we’re particularly more likely to notice those that relate to our negative beliefs. Because triggers are related to deeply painful memories or patterns in our life, our attention is drawn to them like moths to a flame.
Understanding this helps you realize that you’re not powerless. You’re not destined to be triggered forever. Your brain is just drawing attention to an area of your life where you still have negative beliefs that are causing pain or just limiting your potential. The good news is we absolutely have the ability to change our beliefs. And once we do that, we’re changing our inner lens to see things differently, and then we get to watch how what we notice shifts!
How to work on yourself and your triggers
Here’s where the real work begins. When you get triggered, the first step is to notice what feeling is coming up. Is it irritation? Anxiety? Sadness? Sometimes it’s a mix of things.
Next, ask yourself: What belief or truth is this feeling trying to prove? What story is my mind telling me about myself in this moment?
For example, I once got annoyed at a woman in a business mastermind group who asked a million questions. At first, I just thought she was annoying, but when I got curious, I realized my annoyance was reflecting a belief I had about myself — that I shouldn’t have to rely on anyone. I’d always been forced to be independent, and secretly I wished I could depend on others without feeling weak. I didn’t like how she was showing up and taking up so much of everybody’s time but on a deeper level I was jealous of her because she somehow felt okay asking for so much help in a way I didn’t feel I was allowed to.
If you want to work on yourself and start to dig into the limiting beliefs and unhelpful patterns holding you back, the first step is to start paying attention to your triggers and understanding what about the situation feels unsafe to you.
If you’re triggered by another person, ask yourself: Is this person reflecting back to me something I don’t like about myself? Or are they reflecting back to me something I wish I could be?
This is one of the biggest “aha” moments I want you to remember. Often when you feel irritation, judgment, or dislike toward someone else, it’s a reflection of a part of yourself you haven’t fully accepted or understood.
Think about that business mastermind woman again. My annoyance at her questions was really my judgment of my own desire to be more supported and less independent. That part of me felt vulnerable and unacknowledged.
If you’re triggered by something someone did to you, ask yourself: What am I making their behavior mean about me? What do their actions make me feel is true about who I am or what I can expect?
If you’re triggered by a situation that doesn’t have to do with a person, ask yourself: What do I feel this situation means about me? Does this situation seemingly confirm a painful or difficult belief about myself?
As soon as you start paying attention to your triggers, you are opening up a whole host of new information about the limiting beliefs that might be holding you back and that will help shine a light on how your subconscious might be influencing your experience without you realizing it. Negative feelings are like the mind’s way of telling you, “Hey, this story isn’t working for you anymore. It’s time to question it.” Try to approach this with kindness. These beliefs formed for reasons, probably during a painful situation when you were young, but they don’t have to define your present or future.
How to use this mindset trick when you’re triggered
Once you start to pick up on patterns, it’ll be time to start diggin in further. Here’s some simple steps to run yourself through:
Notice that you’re triggered. This is the hardest part, just stopping and getting out of the emotional turmoil enough to realize that a deeper pattern is being tapped on here. Pause and acknowledge you’re having a reaction.
Identify the feelings it brings up and the deeper the belief or “truth” it’s confirming about yourself. What story is your brain telling you in this moment? What belief is the world reflecting back to you?
Practice self-compassion. It’s not helpful for you to then immediately beat yourself up for having a limiting belief. Acknowledge that while the belief isn’t helpful, it probably developed as a form of self-protection back in your younger years, so we need to be kind to the younger version of us to was just trying to get by.
Regulate yourself. You can’t do any healing or shift any beliefs if you’re dysregulated, so focus on slowing your breathing, moving rhythmically or any other tools you have to regulate your nervous system.
Set aside time when you’re calm to address the limiting beliefs. This can be in therapy, in your journal or in a meditation. We want to drill down to when you might have picked up the belief and begin rewiring it!
Remember, this isn’t a one-time fix. The more you practice, the more natural it becomes to catch yourself, get curious, and choose a kinder, more honest perspective.
Why this mindset trick works for everything—from small annoyances to big emotional moments
One of the best things about this mindset trick is how widely you can apply it. It works whether you’re annoyed by a small everyday thing or wrestling with a big emotional challenge.
Here are a few more examples that might sound familiar:
Feeling jealous when your friend gets a promotion? That might point to a belief like “I’m not successful enough” or help you realize that you want a job more like hers.
Getting irritated when someone cuts you off in traffic? It could be reflecting feeling out of control in your own life or that your schedule doesn’t matter to anybody else.
Feeling hurt or defensive after criticism? What belief about yourself came up when you heard the criticism that felt true?
When you treat every trigger as a chance to explore what’s really going on inside you, it becomes a powerful tool for self-awareness, healing, and growth.
Understanding our triggers is a fast track to self worth for women
It’s okay to feel triggered. It’s part of being human. The difference is how you choose to respond. Come back to this mindset trick, remembering that the world reflects what you believe about yourself so triggers are a reflection of the beliefs we still have that hold us back. If you can get curious instead of reactive, you can turn those tough moments into opportunities to understand yourself better and grow.
Next time you feel triggered, pause and try this out. Journal about it if you want or just reflect quietly. Notice what feelings come up, what stories you’re telling yourself, and what parts of you might be asking for some love and attention.
You don’t have to have all the answers right now. This is a practice. And like any good big sister, I’m here cheering you on as you figure it out.
