Why taking breaks isn't selfish: how to listen to your body as a ambitious woman
Samantha, Eldest & Co founder here. One thing I didn’t expect when I started my business, was how much more complicated it would be to take time off. You think logically, oh I’ll need to pause any existing services and have auto-responders set up but they don’t tell you about the complete inner narrative about “if I stop, the money will stop” and having to decide for yourself if you’ve done enough to take a step back.
I know this dilemma applies to many of us, even if you’re not a business owner so today, I want to dive into why taking breaks isn't just important, it's essential for your wellbeing, your relationships, and your ability to show up as the person you actually want to be.
How to recognize when your body is asking for rest (and why we ignore it)
Let's start with something we know to be true: emotions are information. They're not random inconveniences or signs that we're "too sensitive." When we feel overwhelmed, anxious, or like we're running on empty, our body is essentially holding up a giant neon sign that says "Hey, we need to talk."
As eldest daughters, we're practically hardwired to ignore signals to slow down. We've spent years perfecting the art of pushing through, of being the reliable one, of making sure everyone else is okay before we even consider our own needs. We've been conditioned to see our needs as secondary, to view rest as something we have to justify or earn through productivity. The result? We become experts at ignoring our body's signals until they become impossible to dismiss. But what if we told you that those feelings of overwhelm, that persistent voice telling you to slow down, that bone-deep exhaustion you can't shake, are actually your body's way of trying to protect you?
The smoke alarm theory: what your emotions are really telling you
Think of your emotions like smoke alarms in your house. When one goes off, you don't just remove the batteries and call it a day (well, maybe you do with that one that always goes off when you're cooking, but that's beside the point). You investigate. You look for the source of the smoke.
When you're feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or emotionally reactive, ask yourself: "What is this emotion trying to tell me?" More often than not, if you're honest with yourself, the answer will be some version of "slow down," "rest," or "you're being too hard on yourself."
We see this pattern constantly. You might notice that 70% of the time when you check in with your emotions, they're pointing you toward the same message: you need to give yourself permission to pause. But instead of listening, we resist. We have deadlines to meet, people counting on us, and that very real fear that if we slow down, everything will fall apart.
Why eldest daughters struggle with rest differently than other people
As eldest daughters, we carry a unique burden. We learned early that our worth was tied to our ability to handle things, to be the one others could count on, to keep everything running smoothly. Rest wasn't modeled as a necessity; it was something that happened after everything else was taken care of.
This creates a perfect storm where we simultaneously crave rest and feel guilty about needing it. We tell ourselves we should be able to handle more, that taking a break means we're weak or lazy. But here's the truth: your need for rest isn't a character flaw. It's human.
The fear of "where will the money come from?" or "what if everything falls apart?" is real, especially if you're running your own business or carrying a lot of responsibility. But operating from a place of constant depletion isn't sustainable, and it certainly isn't serving anyone, including the people you're trying to take care of.
Our bodies know more than our mind does
Sometimes the need for rest shows up as a feeling we can't quite name. It's that sense of misalignment, of dissatisfaction, of knowing that something isn't quite right even when everything looks good on paper. Your body is incredibly smart, and it often recognizes when you're out of alignment with your values, your needs, or your natural rhythms long before your conscious mind catches up.
This feeling might show up as:
Chronic fatigue that sleep doesn't fix
Emotional reactivity that feels disproportionate to the situation
A sense of going through the motions without feeling present
Difficulty making decisions or trusting your instincts
Physical symptoms like headaches, digestive issues, or muscle tension
These aren't signs that you're broken or failing. They're your body's way of saying, "We need to recalibrate."
The real cost of ignoring your need for rest
When we consistently ignore our body's signals for rest, we don't just feel tired. We start operating from a place of depletion that affects every area of our lives. The cost isn't just personal; it ripples out to our relationships, our work, and our ability to show up as the person we want to be.
How chronic exhaustion affects your decision-making
When you're running on empty, your brain doesn't have the resources it needs to make clear, thoughtful decisions. You might find yourself saying yes to things you don't actually want to do, or struggling to set boundaries because you don't have the mental energy to navigate conflict.
This is particularly challenging for eldest daughters because we're often the ones making decisions not just for ourselves, but for others too. When we're depleted, we're more likely to fall back on old patterns of people-pleasing or perfectionism because they require less conscious thought than making choices aligned with our actual values and needs.
The relationship between rest and emotional regulation
Ever notice how everything feels more overwhelming when you're tired? That's because rest isn't just about physical recovery; it's essential for emotional regulation. When we're well-rested, we have more capacity to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.
Without adequate rest, we're more likely to:
Take things personally that aren't about us
Feel overwhelmed by normal daily stressors
Struggle to communicate our needs clearly
Have difficulty accessing empathy for ourselves and others
This creates a cycle where we feel bad about our emotional reactions, which makes us push ourselves harder, which makes us more depleted, which makes emotional regulation even more difficult.
Why rest is actually productive
Here's something that might blow your mind: taking breaks actually makes you more productive, not less. When you're well-rested, you can think more clearly, make better decisions, and work more efficiently. You're also more creative and better at problem-solving.
But when you're operating from depletion, you might be busy, but you're not necessarily effective. You're more likely to make mistakes that require time to fix, to spend energy on tasks that don't actually move you forward, or to get stuck in analysis paralysis because your brain is too tired to process information clearly.
Practical strategies for rest when your brain is wired for productivity
Knowing that you need rest and actually taking it are two very different things. If you're used to pushing through, learning to honor your body's signals takes practice. Here are some practical strategies that can help you start building a healthier relationship with rest.
Start with micro-breaks throughout your day
You don't have to take a week-long vacation to give your body what it needs (though if you can, go for it). Sometimes rest looks like taking five minutes to step outside and breathe fresh air, or putting your phone in another room for an hour so you can actually be present with yourself.
Micro-breaks might include:
Taking three deep breaths before moving to your next task
Stepping away from your computer for a few minutes every hour
Eating lunch without multitasking
Taking a short walk around the block
Spending a few minutes in silence without any input
The key is consistency. These small moments of rest throughout your day can prevent you from reaching the point of complete depletion.
Learn to distinguish between different types of rest
Not all rest is created equal, and what you need might change depending on what's depleting you. Physical rest is obvious, but you might also need:
Mental rest: Taking a break from decision-making, problem-solving, or consuming information. This might look like meditation, gentle movement, or activities that don't require much cognitive effort.
Emotional rest: Creating space to process feelings without having to perform or take care of others. This could be journaling, talking to a trusted friend, or simply allowing yourself to feel whatever comes up without trying to fix it.
Social rest: Time alone to recharge, especially if you're someone who gives a lot of energy to others throughout the day.
Sensory rest: Reducing stimulation from lights, sounds, or visual input. This might mean dimming the lights, putting on noise-canceling headphones, or spending time in nature.
Create boundaries around your rest time
One of the biggest challenges in actually taking rest is protecting it from all the other demands on your time. This means getting comfortable with saying no to requests that would encroach on your rest time, and not feeling guilty about prioritizing your wellbeing.
This might look like:
Scheduling rest time in your calendar like you would any other important appointment
Communicating your boundaries clearly to family, friends, or colleagues
Turning off notifications during designated rest periods
Having a plan for how to handle guilt or anxiety that comes up when you're resting
Remember, taking care of yourself isn't selfish. It's necessary for your ability to show up for the people and things that matter to you.
Trust the process (even when it feels uncomfortable)
Learning to rest can actually feel uncomfortable at first, especially if you're used to constant motion. You might feel guilty, anxious, or like you're being lazy. These feelings are normal and they don't mean you're doing anything wrong.
Challenge yourself: if a friend was describing to you the way you feel, would you think they were being lazy for taking a break? Or do you see that their life deserves balance too and that they don’t have to be always providing value for you to care about them?
The same thing applies to you. Your worth isn't determined by your productivity. You deserve rest simply because you're human, not because you've earned it through exhaustion.
Frequently asked questions
How do I know if I need rest or if I'm just being lazy?
This is such a common concern, especially for eldest daughters who have been conditioned to equate rest with laziness. The difference usually comes down to how you feel in your body and what your emotions are telling you. If you're experiencing physical symptoms of stress, emotional reactivity, or that sense of misalignment we talked about, your body is asking for rest. Laziness, on the other hand, is usually more about avoiding responsibility rather than responding to genuine depletion.
What if I can't afford to take time off work or step back from my responsibilities?
We get it. Not everyone has the privilege of taking extended time off, and many of us have real financial pressures that make rest feel like a luxury we can't afford. But rest doesn't have to mean taking weeks off. It can be as simple as protecting your lunch break, going to bed 30 minutes earlier, or saying no to one optional commitment. Even small changes can make a significant difference in how you feel.
How do I deal with guilt when I'm resting?
Guilt around rest is incredibly common, especially for people who have been conditioned to believe their worth comes from what they do rather than who they are. When guilt comes up, try to get curious about it rather than pushing it away. What messages did you learn about rest growing up? What would you tell a friend who was feeling guilty about taking care of themselves? Sometimes just acknowledging the guilt without letting it dictate your actions is enough.
What if my family or partner doesn't understand my need for rest?
This can be challenging, especially if you're in relationships with people who have different needs or who haven't learned to prioritize their own wellbeing. Communication is key here. Help them understand that taking care of yourself isn't about them, and that you'll actually be more present and available when you're well-rested. You might also need to model healthy boundaries and show them what it looks like to prioritize wellbeing.
How long should I rest for?
There's no magic formula because everyone's needs are different. Pay attention to your body and your energy levels. Sometimes you might need a few minutes, sometimes a few hours, and sometimes a few days. The key is learning to trust your internal signals rather than following external rules about how much rest is "appropriate."
Learning to listen to your body and honor your need for rest is one of the most radical acts of self-care you can practice as an eldest daughter. It's a way of saying that your wellbeing matters, that you're worth taking care of, and that you don't have to earn your right to feel good.
You’re not becoming someone who avoids responsibility or doesn't show up for the people you care about. You’re about recognizing that you can't pour from an empty cup, and that taking care of yourself is actually a prerequisite for taking care of others.
Your body is constantly communicating with you, offering information about what you need to feel balanced, grounded, and aligned. When you learn to listen to these signals and respond with compassion rather than resistance, you're not just improving your own life. You're modeling for others what it looks like to have a healthy relationship with yourself.
The next time you feel that familiar tug toward rest, that voice telling you to slow down, or that sense that something needs to shift, we invite you to get curious rather than resistant. Ask yourself what your body is trying to tell you. Trust that the information you receive is valid and important. And remember that honoring your need for rest isn't a sign of weakness; it's a sign of wisdom.
