The three step process to get whatever you want in life
We've all been there, scrolling on Pinterest, jealous of the way the photos paint the picture of a life we feel so far from living. Maybe it's the girl with the doting partner, or the one who built a business that actually fulfills her, or even just someone who appears to have figured out how to feel genuinely confident in her own skin. And there we are, despite all our therapy sessions, self-help books, and genuine effort to grow, still feeling like we're missing some crucial piece of the puzzle.
Here's what we've learned after years of working with ambitious, thoughtful women who are tired of spinning their wheels: getting what you want in life isn't about having the app you used to track your to do’s, where you shop for your sweater (and whether they’re cashmere or cotton) or the number of minutes you do or don’t meditate. It's far too easy to get caught up on the “how” and way overcomplicate.
It comes down to mastering three fundamental skills that most of us were never taught. Which is why today we wanted to share, in the simplest fashion, the three-step framework that can help you get anything you want in life so you can come back to it again and again.
The real reason you're not getting what you want (and it's not what you think)
Before we get into the framework, let's talk about why most approaches to getting what you want fall short. We've been conditioned to believe that success is a linear equation: want something + work hard + be patient = get the thing. But if you're reading this, you've probably already discovered that this formula is incomplete at best, and completely wrong at worst.
The truth is, most of us get stuck not because we don't know what to do, but because we're missing one or more of these three essential components: awareness, action, and the ability to let it happen. And here's the kicker: for ambitious, empathetic women like you, it's usually that third one that trips you up the most.
Step one: developing true awareness of what you actually want
Awareness sounds simple, but it's actually the most complex part of this whole process. We're not talking about the surface-level "I want a boyfriend" or "I want to make more money." We're talking about getting crystal clear on what you actually want, why you want it, and what might be standing in your way.
Real awareness requires you to dig deeper than your initial impulse. When you say you want a relationship, are you actually craving partnership, or are you looking for validation? When you say you want to start a business, are you excited about the work itself, or are you trying to prove something to yourself or others? When you say you want to be more confident, what does that actually look like in your daily life?
This level of self-inquiry isn't always comfortable. Sometimes we discover that what we thought we wanted was actually a Band-Aid for something deeper. Maybe that dream job you've been chasing is really about wanting to feel valued and respected. Maybe the perfect relationship you're seeking is actually about learning to feel safe and worthy of love.
Our founder, Samantha, tells a story about spending months obsessing over finding the "perfect" apartment, only to realize she was actually trying to create a sense of home and belonging that had nothing to do with square footage or neighborhood. Once she got clear on what she was really seeking, she was able to find it in ways she never expected.
The awareness phase also involves getting honest about what's been holding you back. This isn't about beating yourself up or diving into a shame spiral. It's about compassionately examining the patterns, beliefs, and behaviors that might be keeping you stuck. Are you self-sabotaging when you get close to what you want? Are you unconsciously choosing situations that confirm your limiting beliefs? Are you so focused on the "how" that you're missing opportunities right in front of you?
Step two: taking aligned action (even when it's scary)
Once you have clarity on what you actually want and what's been in your way, it's time for action. But not just any action. We're talking about aligned action that moves you toward your goal, even when it challenges your existing view of yourself.
This is where a lot of people get tripped up. They think action means doing more, being busier, or pushing harder. But effective action is often about doing the right things consistently, not doing all the things frantically. It's about putting yourself in position to receive what you want, even when it feels uncomfortable or unfamiliar.
Let's say you've gotten clear that you want a nourishing, long-term relationship. Aligned action might mean updating your dating profile to reflect who you actually are, not who you think men want you to be. It might mean having conversations on dates that help you figure out if you actually like the person, instead of just trying to get them to like you. It might mean setting boundaries early on, even if it feels scary.
Or maybe you've realized you want to transition careers. Aligned action could look like having honest conversations with people in your desired field, even though networking feels awkward. It might mean taking on a project that showcases your skills in a new area, even if you're not sure you're "qualified." It might mean saying no to opportunities that keep you stuck in your current path, even if they feel safe
The key word here is "aligned." This isn't about forcing yourself to do things that feel completely wrong for you. It's about stretching beyond your comfort zone in service of what you actually want. It's about acting like the person who already has what you're seeking, even when you don't feel ready.
Sometimes aligned action means doing less, not more. If you're someone who tends to over-give in relationships, aligned action might mean pulling back and letting others show up for you. If you're a chronic over-achiever, aligned action might mean focusing on fewer things so you can do them really well.
Step three: learning to let it happen (the hardest part)
Here's where most ambitious women get stuck, and honestly, it's the part we struggle with most ourselves. After you've done the awareness work and you're taking aligned action, you have to learn to trust that you've done enough and let the thing you want actually happen.
This is incredibly difficult for those of us who are used to controlling outcomes through sheer force of will. We've been rewarded our whole lives for working harder, doing more, and figuring it out. The idea of stepping back and trusting feels foreign, maybe even irresponsible.
But here's what we've learned: at some point, you are doing enough. You've worked on your mindset, you're showing up consistently, you're taking the right actions. The fact that what you want hasn't materialized yet doesn't mean you're doing something wrong or need to do more.
This is the moment to work on your ability to trust. Trust that you are enough. Trust that you have done enough. Trust that what you want is coming, even if you can't see exactly how or when.
We see this pattern constantly with our community. A woman will spend months doing everything "right" in her dating life, then start spiraling because she hasn't met her person yet. Instead of trusting the process, she'll download another app, change her approach entirely, or convince herself she needs to work on herself more before she's "ready" for love.
The same thing happens with career transitions, creative projects, and even personal growth goals. We do the work, but then we can't sit with the uncertainty of not knowing when or how our efforts will pay off. So we either give up or we start doing more, often undoing the progress we've already made.
Learning to let it happen requires developing a different relationship with time and outcomes. It means believing that you're worthy of what you want, even before you have it. It means trusting your efforts, even when you can't see immediate results. It means staying open to receiving what you want in ways you might not have expected.
Frequently asked questions
How do I know if I'm in the awareness, action, or letting it happen phase?
Great question. You're in the awareness phase if you're still getting clear on what you actually want or if you keep finding yourself confused about why you're not making progress. You're in the action phase if you know what you want but you're not consistently doing the things that would move you toward it. You're in the letting it happen phase if you're doing the work but struggling with impatience, trying to control the timeline, or second-guessing whether you've done enough.
What if I've been taking action for months and nothing is happening?
First, get honest about whether your actions are actually aligned with what you want, or if you're just staying busy to avoid the discomfort of uncertainty. Sometimes we think we're taking action when we're actually just doing things that feel productive but don't move us forward. If your actions are truly aligned, then you're probably in the letting it happen phase, which means it's time to work on trust and patience.
How long should I wait before I change my approach?
This is where discernment comes in. If you've been taking the same actions for months without any movement or feedback, it might be time to reassess. But if you're seeing small signs of progress or getting positive feedback, even if you don't have the final outcome yet, that's usually a sign to stay the course. The key is distinguishing between "this isn't working" and "this isn't working fast enough."
What if I realize I don't actually want what I thought I wanted?
This is actually a huge win, even though it might not feel like it. Getting clear on what you don't want is just as valuable as getting clear on what you do want. Use this information to refine your awareness and adjust your actions accordingly. This kind of course-correction is a normal part of the process, not a sign that you're doing something wrong.
How do I know the difference between letting it happen and giving up?
Letting it happen means you're still showing up and taking aligned action, but you're not attached to controlling exactly how or when things unfold. Giving up means you've stopped doing the things that move you toward what you want. If you're still engaged with the process but feeling more relaxed about the outcome, that's letting it happen. If you've checked out entirely, that's giving up.
The truth is, this framework isn't just about getting what you want. It's about developing a healthier relationship with desire, effort, and outcomes. It's about learning to trust yourself and the process, even when you can't see the whole path ahead.
We know it's not easy. In a culture that rewards hustle and immediate gratification, learning to balance effort with surrender feels almost revolutionary. But we've seen it work, not just for ourselves but for countless women in our community who were tired of spinning their wheels and ready to try a different approach.
The next time you find yourself frustrated because you're not where you want to be yet, ask yourself: Am I clear on what I actually want? Am I taking actions that align with that desire? And am I trusting the process enough to let it unfold?
Sometimes the thing standing between you and what you want isn't more effort or a better strategy. Sometimes it's simply learning to get out of your own way and trust that you've already done enough.
